Comparison : The Road to Self-Pity and Envy

Two weeks ago, I wrote about how comparison can lead to pride. In this week’s post, I write about how comparison can lead to self-pity and envy. When you compare yourself to others, and you focus on what they have that you do not have, you are giving self-pity and envy access into your life. People tend to compare their life, achievement and progress with others and use it as a yardstick to evaluate where they are in their own life or where they want to be. For instance, some compare their singlehood to that of others because they haven’t found their life partner. Some compare their jobs or career to that of others, especially when they believe they are far more deserving of a better job or career opportunity than they have. Some compare their kids or spouse to that of others because of what they see superficially, and the list is endless.  

Let’s look at the relationship between Jonathan and David but from a different perspective this time around. Jonathan did not drown in envy and self-pity with the thought that God had blessed David to be king rather than himself. He did not sit down in a dark corner hating David for being the chosen one who took away his right to inherit the throne. Likewise, David did not drown in envy and self-pity with thoughts that Jonathan possessed great wealth and was better suited to become king because of his royal background. We don’t observe comparison leading to envy and self-pity in the relationship between David and Jonathan. Instead we see true friends who understand, protect and care for each other. Consequently, David and Jonathan successfully accomplished God’s will in the story of the kingdom of Israel.

Jonathan’s father, Saul, on the other hand reacted quite poorly towards David because he was chosen by God to take over the throne. Saul drowned in envy and self-pity. It fuelled everything he did. God  rejected Saul as the King of Israel because he failed to obey Him and in I Samuel 16:14 we see that the ‘Spirit of the LORD departed from Saul’ and ‘a distressing spirit from the LORD’ began to trouble Saul’s life. God used David to introduce a measure of peace into Saul’s life via the stringed instrument David played. But after David defeated Goliath and the people of Israel began to hail him for the victory, Saul became envious and suspicious of David.

1 Samuel 18:8 Saul was very angry; this refrain displeased him greatly. “They have credited David with tens of thousands,” he thought, “but me with only thousands. What more can he get but the kingdom?” 9 And from that time on Saul kept a close eye on David. 

This is where the comparison game started in the heart of Saul. Let’s take a deeper look into the verses. If you notice, Saul was unable to celebrate his successes. Saul successfully conquered thousands of people- a major achievement! But Saul compared his success to David’s success and in the process of doing so it destroyed any joy he previously had for his success. The envy and self-pity deepened to the point where Saul sought to kill David and David had no option but to flee. Saul’s sins only grew worse in intensity as  time went on. He failed to play a successful role in the story of the kingdom of Israel.

In our final example let’s have a look at Cain and Abel who were brothers. Surely, brothers would love each other enough to celebrate one another’s successes. Genesis 4:1-8 outlines that Cain’s offering to the Lord was not accepted but Abel’s was. Cain should have simply asked Abel what he did to make his offering acceptable to God, but instead he deceitfully took Abel to the field and slaughtered him out of envy. We ask ourselves what Cain must have been thinking before he slaughtered his brother? Cain compared himself to Abel and in doing so he became envious. He would have thought to himself ‘what is it about Abel that made his offering acceptable while mine was rejected! I mean, I gave God some meat, he came with grass!’ Cain was overshadowed by comparison and it led to self-pity and envy. The results were deadly. Cain failed to play a successful role in the story of the Kingdom as a result of this.

As God’s people, we have a lot to learn from these men. It is not wrong to admire the good you see in the lives of others. One of the ways we can aspire to do more with our lives and be inspired to grow is by being exposed to people who have been graced to reach where we want to be. However, you must be careful that you do not end up beating yourself up and becoming envious in the process. Rather than become envious, seek advice and humbly learn how to get to where you want to be. I also find that praying for the person you seem to be comparing yourself to will break the envy and self-pity. Don’t kill joy by comparing your situation to another’s . This a conscious decision you must make. You may believe that you would be ‘happier’ if you had exactly what others have. But you would be surprised to find out that happiness does not lie in getting what others have. Besides, the grass always looks greener on the other side. Resist comparison, instead, be inspired.

If you haven’t listened to Jonathan Mcreynold’s song ‘Comparison Kills’ I highly recommend it! I share some of the lyrics below:

The grass was fine
Until it looked greener on the other side
Now you're believing that you fell behind
But why try to match what should be one of a kind
You're one of a kind
We all want to be successful
And get mad when God's not in a rush
Waste your time just making copies
You'll see you did not accomplish much
Pressure gets hot
And with heat come mirages
So you think it's cool over there
Your thirst is real
But water can't fill
What comparison kills