Truths About Marriage I learned From My Marriage
Marriage is a gift from God; it is a beautiful journey with a life companion. It requires giving all of ourselves, but it could be challenging. It teaches us humility, patience, perseverance, and love in a practical way. We become shaped to be one with our spouse. However, being shaped is not easy, especially when we bring our prejudices to the mix.
I see two common approaches to marriage, and we can all relate to one of them. First, some people dream about getting married and their wedding day. People look forward to this one special day where everyone celebrates them. They dream about finding “the one” and think their lives will finally be complete when it happens. They become stuck in limbo until they find a life partner; only then do they move on with their lives. To avoid missing out on opportunities to meet their spouse, they prevent themselves from attaining the full potential God has for them. It’s not that they do nothing while searching, but the search consumes them.
The second approach I see are those who hope to be married in future, but it seems like a scary prospect and far into the future to think about now. I was in this category, and I realised with this mindset, you become afraid of marriage and view it as something that will tie you down and prevent you from fulfilling your God-given purpose. So it is nearly the opposite of the first type of mindset.
Unfortunately, both mindsets are wrong views of marriage and the mission it is meant to accomplish. The purpose of marriage is not to make you whole or take you on your journey with God. Neither should it prevent you from moving forward with God. Approaching marriage with the wrong perspective can leave you unsatisfied, lonely, and feeling unloved in marriage. It often leads to arguments, distancing ourselves from our spouse and eventually, if left undealt with, can lead to divorce. But marriage, as Paul describes in Ephesians, which applies to both women and men, is a partnership where our needs and wants fall away, and we serve God and our spouse.
For women, it means submitting to the man and helping him lead the family according to God’s will. For men, it carries a leader’s responsibility who submits to God, has a deep personal relationship with God and is guided by the Holy Spirit. Marriage is making sure you do everything in your power to make sure that your spouse runs the good race and finishes it victorious. When we go into marriage, our aim should be to help our spouse in their walk with God. Submission is not simply obedience; it requires strength from both sides to seek God’s will, come together, acknowledge each other’s perspective and come to a united decision. Submission is laying down our desires and following God’s desire for our lives and our family.
Wives submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendour, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. Ephesians 5:21-30, ESV
When I was getting married, I thought I was giving up my life with God to be obedient to a man. I believed from then on I would have to obey without question and just do what my husband says. I knew I could not live up to this because I am opinionated and decisive enough to make my own decisions. I thought that obedience in marriage is giving up your personality as well as your self-worth. I wanted to please God and do His will as I believed submission in this manner was the will of God for a perfect wife. I could not understand why God was so unloving towards women and put men in a “higher” position. I believed that if the woman is strong, decisive, and smart, she can lead her family much better than a weaker and indecisive husband; they can achieve much more for God when she is in charge. To understand how it all works, I knew I had to dig into the scripture. It stemmed from a selfish ambition to find a loophole because I disagreed with a Biblical injunction. Rather than obeying scripture, I was looking for a biblical justification for my mindset.
Marriage is a partnership where we serve God and our spouse. We put the needs of our partner over ours.
To my surprise, when I began my research, God revealed a completely different picture from what I had in my mind. It became apparent that I had constructed a belief about marriage that was not of the kingdom of God but straight from the enemy. We know that we do not fight against flesh and blood but against the principalities of the dark world. But when the enemy plays with our fears and desires, it is hard to separate his words from ours. We all have our own beliefs that do not agree with the word of God, but instead of asking God, we stick to our opinions, not realising that they hinder our fulfilment.
As a wife, I have learned that submitting to my husband does not depend on whether he deserves my respect or not but should come from a humble heart of godly submission. Ultimately it is not my husband that I submit to, but God. Submission is not even about my husband; but it is all about God and how I can bring glory and honour to Him. Marriage is an allegory for Christ and the Church. When we live out a godly marriage, we show the relationship God has with the Church. It is the most vivid example, not only for us but for the whole world. We sharpen each other to be more like Jesus and to be who God wants us to be.
God is a God of order. He wants everyone to flourish in their right place, and as the creator, He knows where we would flourish best. Husbands should seek God’s will in all circumstances, as great journeys start with small steps, and we do not know where each step leads. The role of men in a godly marriage is to direct their family to the narrow path consistently; this is a huge responsibility. They also shoulder the responsibility to love their wives not as the world defines love but as Christ loved the Church.
As Christians, we need to understand that marriage does not exist to satisfy our desires or make us happy. No matter how perfect anyone is, they cannot make you whole or make you happy. Marriage is not about getting what we want; it is about serving the other person.
The more I applied and understood these truths about marriage, the better my marriage became. I want people to realise that the only way to a good marriage is having God at the centre of our lives. Only then can we fulfil the purpose God set before us. In a nutshell, these are the truths I am elucidating;
- Marriage is a partnership where we serve God and our spouse. We put the needs of our partner over ours.
- Marriage does not exist to satisfy our desires or make us happy; no one can make you whole and happy. This doesn’t mean you should have an unhappy marriage. It means that marriage is not the source of joy and wholesomeness; Christ is.
- We all have a role in marriage; wives should submit to their husbands, and husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the Church. Married men have the responsibility to lead their families in a godly way.
- God should be the center of your marriage.
I conclude with a bible passage that is a guiding principle to how we should put God at the centre of our lives; “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” Matthew 6:33,NLT
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