My Guilty Conscience
Living with a guilty conscience is painful. It disturbs our peace and takes away our ability to enjoy today. It hurts and kills. The past remains ever before our eyes. All because of that one mistake we made. Some commit suicide because of their guilty conscience. We see Judas doing this after he betrays Jesus. He could not live with the thought of having been the one who betrayed the Messiah. Guilty consciences haunt us because we had a choice not to make the terrible decisions that led to that guilty conscience. But we made the wrong decision, and now we feel trapped. So let’s have a closer look at Judas’ actions after betraying Jesus.
Matthew 27:3-5, ESV Then, when Judas, his betrayer, saw that Jesus was condemned, he changed his mind and brought back the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and the elders, saying, "I have sinned by betraying innocent blood." They said, "What is that to us? See to it yourself." 5 And throwing down the pieces of silver into the temple, he departed, and he went and hanged himself.
Judas’ guilty conscience resulted in him handing back the 30 pieces of silver he collected for betraying Jesus. But the chief priests and elders refused to take the money back. This resulted in his conscience tormenting him to the point of death, literal death. For many, suicide becomes the only option to freedom from a guilty conscience if making amends does not take it away. But it doesn’t have to come to that. So the message I wish to focus on in this article is how we can be delivered from guilt. The truth is that an individual living with a guilty conscience is an individual in constant torment. In my opinion, the worst part of having a guilty conscience is that you end up linking all of your misfortunes to your mistakes. Every time something terrible happens to you, you can’t help but feel like it’s punishment for your bad decisions. Yes, it could be, but it may not be! It is a sad way to live. Dark clouds remind you of the mistakes or pain and regret dance over your head. For some, they feel guilty over things that were not in their control. i.e could be over the loss of a loved one, survivor’s guilt etc. Regardless of the reason, nothing is too big to keep your mind in eternal captivity.
The torture of a bad conscience is the hell of a living soul
– John Calvin.
I’m always fascinated by how Joseph’s brother’s guilty conscience tormented them in the book of Genesis. In Genesis 42, Joseph’s brothers where in Egypt to buy food. They end up interacting with Joseph (who they thought was dead), the brother they threw into a pit and then sold off! But this chapter reveals that even though Joseph’s brothers were not constrained in their movement, their minds were in bondage and their hearts imprisoned because of the evil they did to Joseph. And in all honesty, it really didn’t look like they were accomplishing much in life! At least not in comparison to Joseph, who had now become second to the most powerful man in Egypt.
So, let’s move on with the story. Joseph’s brothers buy food, and Joseph hides his identity throughout their interaction. They find the money they paid for the food returned in their sacks on their way back home. Fear overwhelms them and ‘Then they said to one another, “In truth, we are guilty concerning our brother, in that we saw the distress of his soul when he begged us, and we did not listen. That is why this distress has come upon us.” (Gen 42:21, ESV).
Do you see what I mean? They tied this apparent ‘misfortune’ back to the evil they did to Joseph years ago. Many times in our own lives, we are overwhelmed with guilt. Consequently, we conclude that every misfortune must be due to that one thing we did wrong. But we don’t have to live with a guilty conscience. Christ has come to set us free from that. Let’s be encouraged by Hebrews 9:14, ESV.
How much more will the blood of Christ, who though the eternal Spirit offered himself without blemish to God, purify our conscience from dead works to serve the living-God
This verse makes it clear that Christ’s blood purifies our conscience and enables us to serve God. It sets us free. The purification of your conscience is based on the fact that Christ offered himself without blemish to God. This is what your confidence should rely on. As surely as Christ died, he can purify your conscience. But it doesn’t end there. The purification of your conscience should lead you to serve the living God. A life marked out for Christ should be evident.
Based on what scripture reveals to us, I don’t think Joseph’s brothers ever confessed to Jacob. They never revealed the whole truth of what happened to Joseph and how they deceived Jacob by dipping Joseph’s tunic in animal blood to make it look like an animal devoured him (Genesis 37:31-33). They knew their father adored Joseph, but they didn’t consider the impact of their actions on him when they planned to sell Joseph. Instead, they would rather watch their father mourn for days over Joseph’s death than tell him the truth that Joseph was sold and not consumed by an animal. (Genesis 37:34-35). They could have had more peace over the subsequent decades after selling Joseph if they had just confessed. This is the same for you, dear reader; confess you’re wrong, bring it to the Lord and seek to speak to those you have hurt. Concealing your wrong will only cause more pain. If you are suffering from guilt or trauma as a result of anything beyond your control, pray to God to remove it and heal you. Seek competent aid and counseling; God can restore you back to a sound mind in a variety of ways.
Proverbs 28:13, ESV Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.
Christ’s sacrifice can set you free from your guilty conscience.
Even as he who is troubled with a burning fever is hotter than he who is parched with the sun; so is that man more troubled who hath a guilty conscience than a good man by all outward afflictions
– Daniel Cawdray.
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