Let Them Go
Letting go is difficult. Especially when you have a sentimental attachment to whatever you need to let go. Throughout life, we are presented with opportunities to let go of certain things. A child growing into a teenager may need to let go of certain toys that are not befitting for a teenager. A teenager budding into an adult may need to let go of certain clothes. These are minor examples. Letting go of things can be challenging, but letting go of relationships poses an even greater challenge.
Letting go is not always ideal, but it is sometimes needed so God’s work can continue in our lives and in the lives of those around us. I think of no better example than the father of the prodigal son. Luke 15:11-32 tells the story.
It all started with the prodigal son feeling like he could now care for himself.
And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the share of property that is coming to me.’ And he divided his property between them. (Luke 15:12, ESV)
I would like us to focus on the latter half of verse 12. I find it astonishing that the father did not resist his son’s request. He divided his property even though this was not something he should be doing at that stage of his life! According to David Guzik’s commentary,” In those days, a father could either grant the inheritance before or after his death, but it was usually done after. The younger son asked for a special exception, motivated by foolishness and greed.” Before this request was made, the father likely knew his son was already going astray. The father had probably spent time on his knees praying to God to keep his son from making bad decisions. Every loving parent will spend time in prayer, asking God to guide their child away from the wrong path and hoping that it never reaches a point where they have to let go. But unfortunately, the father is faced with a request he was hoping he would not have to face in his lifetime from a son he loved dearly. Wisdom allowed the father to see that he had to let his son go. Understanding allowed the father to see that holding on at this stage wouldn’t bring anything good. The only chance for good to come out of this was to let go. We can learn an important lesson here, when tempted to hold on to someone, ask yourself how likely it is for good to come out of the situation you are presented with. Is it time to let go?
Those familiar with the rest of the story know that the prodigal son ‘squandered his property in reckless living. And when he had spent everything, a severe famine arose in that country, and he began to be in need. But later returned to his father, confessing, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son’ (Luke 12:13-14, ESV). And the father celebrated the return of his son by killing a fattened calf and stating, ‘This my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost, and is found’ (Luke 15:24, ESV).
The truth is that this story may not have had a beautiful ending if the father had held on to his son. Holding on when you should let go can result in costly damage. Holding on to relationships when you need to let go will only cause you to waste precious energy and drain your emotions. Now, there is a time to hold on and a time to let go, as Ecclesiastes 3:1, ESV demonstrates:
For everything, there is a season and a time for every matter under Heaven.
When it comes to people, Ecclesiastes 3:5b, ESV says that there is a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing.
The important thing we must do as believers is to understand what time it is. If you let go when you should be holding on, you will cause more damage than you intend, and the same is true vice versa. If the prodigal son’s father had fought and argued for his son to stay and not make such an unreasonable request, the end of this story might not have been as joyful. The act of the father humbly letting go contributed to the encouragement the prodigal son needed to eventually return to his father when he realized his mistakes.
I have come to understand that there can be obvious signs when it is time for you to let go of a relationship. If you are the only one in a relationship putting in effort to keep things going, it may be time to let go. Furthermore, if you are consistently walking on eggshells to ensure another argument doesn’t ensue, it may be time to let go. Letting go doesn’t mean that you stop loving or praying for the person. Letting go also doesn’t mean you can’t interact with the person. Letting go means giving the person up to God, and many times may mean creating a safe emotional distance. This emotional distance is essential for your own sake as it enables you to protect your heart and not be bitter.
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it (Proverbs 4:23, NIV).
We often try to fix people, and so try to take on the role of the Holy Spirit. By doing so, we inflict more hurt and disappointment on ourselves. We cannot do what only God’s Spirit can do in the lives of others, but we certainly can support God’s work in others and be instrumental to it.
The father of the prodigal son, of course, yearned for the return of his son daily. And God allowed him to come back. But unlike in the story of the prodigal son, those we let go may not return to be a part of our lives. There are numerous reasons for this. One may be that they were only meant to stay for a season. When that season ended, so did the relationship or at least the level of closeness it once held. This is not always easy to accept. But let it go and give it unto the Lord.
So, take a few minutes today to and prayerfully think of things or relationships you may need to let go. It may be that they will return after you let them go, or it may be that the season of closeness it once held has ended. Either way, letting go need not take away your peace. There is a time for everything. Recognizing when to let go will only be a blessing if you listen to the voice of God.
