A Time To Be Silent

The fact that we can only be heard audibly when we open our mouth to speak or when we move our lips also means our mouth or lips can’t be in motion all the time. When they aren’t engaged, they are in a state of rest we call “silence”. Except for ventriloquists, we do not speak naturally without moving our mouths. To get a reaction or the attention of others, we are naturally inclined to speak or open our mouths. When babies are delivered, they are exposed to the cold in the air and a new environment; therefore, the natural reaction we expect is for them to cry. If a baby doesn’t cry at birth, most times, it is always an immediate cause for concern. This is because from birth, we learn to react to the world by opening our mouths.

Speaking is one of the most influential and sophisticated means of communicating with others, but it is just one aspect of effective communication. Other elements include listening and keeping silent. Communication experts will tell you that listening is an integral part of communication, but we sometimes don’t realise that we must also keep silent to listen effectively. I become more conscious of my environment and what is happening within me when I stay quiet and shut out the noise around me.

Silence indeed can be golden, and it communicates. I recall when my community came to console me when I lost a loved one. A dear friend just sat quietly without saying a word to me. She was silent but served me and was there for me while I grieved. So many things were running through my mind, and whatever anyone was saying to me at the time did not make much sense. My community showed me great love and care while I grieved. But I’ll admit that today, I probably can’t remember everything everyone said to me in that time of pain (I do not undervalue or take their show of love for granted). However, I remember the silence of my friend. Her silence and service were enough to let me know that she cared for me just like everyone else who comforted and encouraged me with words.

When Job’s friends heard of his suffering, they decided to visit him. They went to his house and sat on the ground with Job for seven days and seven nights without saying a word to him (Job 2:13). Their silence was symbolic. It was a way of acknowledging his suffering and trying to understand or share his pain. They showed empathy with their silence. They mourned with him through their silence. Sometimes care, love and kindness can be communicated effectively with silence. That’s why Ecclesiastes 3:7 is a statement of wisdom. It says there’s a time to be silent, and there’s a time to speak. If you study the story of Job, you’d see that it was when his friends started speaking that they made wrong assumptions and came to incorrect conclusions about the cause of his suffering. They gave Job the wrong advice, and God rebuked them.

Job 42:1, ESV: After the Lord had spoken these words to Job, the Lord said to Eliphaz the Temanite: “My anger burns against you and against your two friends, for you have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job’’.

It did not matter if they spoke from a sincere place and sought an end to their friend’s suffering; they said a lot and made statements that may have sounded right, but later, God revealed they got it wrong. Proverbs 10:19,NLT remains another relevant statement of wisdom: “In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, But he who restrains his lips is wise.”

We consume lots of information from the traditional media, new media and everything around us, and it is wise that we learn to be silent when we should. As my good friend, Stephanie, would say, “everything and everyone speaks these days”. For example, it is no surprise that election strategists can successfully use technology to help their candidates win elections by employing tools such as targeted advertising. These tools function based on data we willingly provide on social media platforms. Some years ago, we wouldn’t willingly give strangers information about ourselves, such as; age, family members, interests, likes, pictures, opinions, places we visit, etc. But we are in the information age, and sharing information is seamless. As a result, we are increasingly being socialized to always tell the world our business. I am not saying it is a good or bad thing. I am saying that we are gradually losing the value and understanding of staying quiet when we need to be. We always feel the need to disseminate information. The ripple effect is that we talk more and listen less. We are constantly speaking but not listening to each other and our immediate environment. I am guilty as well. Some of us are uncomfortable when there is silence, almost as if it’s an abnormality.

On platforms like Twitter, where you can only express yourself with limited characters, we sometimes get into a “shouting match” without understanding each other’s context, listening to or trying to understand where the other person is coming from. When we listen, it is not in a bid to understand but to react and respond. As a result, we become “triggered” and exhibit reactionary tendencies that could be over the top. It takes discipline to resist the urge to respond to every view or opinion, even if you have a more informed understanding of the topic or do not agree with it.

Subjecting your emotions in obedience to Christ is an indication that you honour Him in your life above the gratification or satisfaction of your flesh.

Most times, inserting yourself into every conversation degenerates into an argument where no one learns anything. We only come off feeling good about ourselves. What we get out of those types of interactions, at best, is an ego trip. When you examine this closely, you’d see that the bible is full of instructions against self and heeding to the dictates of the flesh. Sometimes when I find myself in the heat of an argument that’s going nowhere, I remember 2 Timothy 2:23-24, NLT Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.

For some of us, our relationships have degenerated because we do not know when to say nothing. We make hurtful statements in the spur of the moment that make things worse and destroy relationships. Hurtful words or words said at the wrong time are difficult to take back. The best way to take back hurtful words is not to say them in the first place. James lets us know that a true test of our character and maturity as Christians is when we can bridle our tongue.

For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body. James 3:2, ESV

James acknowledges that many things make us stumble, but a man who should be called a perfect man is a man who can control his tongue or what he says. He also links disciplining the tongue directly to control of the whole body. When you meet people who don’t know how to be silent or control their tongue, they likely lack discipline in other areas of their lives. Knowing when to be silent is Christian discipline because your silence, especially when a situation may seem to demand an outburst from you, means that you are bringing your emotions under control. This is self-control, and it is one of the fruits of the Spirit mentioned in Galatians 5:22–23.

In conclusion, subjecting your emotions in obedience to Christ is an indication that you honour Him in your life above the gratification or satisfaction of your flesh. We also need to acknowledge that we cannot keep our emotions in check by our strength but by the grace of God through His son Jesus Christ made available to us to overcome sin.