Before And After You Say “I Do”
Marriage is a public demonstration of love and a lifelong commitment between two people. There is an extra dimension to this for Christians. Marriage is part of a pattern of life established by God when He created humanity. He recognised that it was better for the first man, Adam, if he had a partner, Eve. Marriage is a partnership of love. One of God’s designs for marriage is to show the next generation how a husband and wife demonstrate reciprocal, sacrificial love towards each other. In Mark 10:7, NIV, Jesus acknowledged the beauty of marriage:
‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh…’.
Getting married is a natural step in a happy relationship. Years later, you’ll be more appreciative of the decades you have ahead of you. Still, you will be floored by how extraordinary it is to commit the remainder of your life to one person. I got married at twenty-five and have been married for over five years. Below are the few things I have learned in this beautiful journey.
Things To Note Before You Say ‘I do’
- Marry a Christian (2 Corinthians 6:14).
I can’t overemphasise how important it is for you to cast your burden on God, not another human being. If you want to live a victorious life in marriage, look for a partner on the same spiritual path and beliefs as you, not just someone who fears God. Find a man or woman who plays on Team God and has a genuine relationship with God. If you want a handsome devil who does not care about things of the Spirit, you’ll be dealing with that devil for a very long time.
- Don’t Be Desperate
The wedding lasts for a day, but marriage is for a LIFETIME so don’t be DESPERATE! Please note that marriage is not the only purpose God created you for as a woman. God has instilled so many gifts, talents, and ideas in you for His glory, so be patient with His plans for you. When you are desperate, you may end up marrying just anybody available. You will miss God’s best for you and His perfect will. Yes, I know you are under pressure daily, and all your friends are married! But please note the pressure doesn’t end there. When you eventually do get married, there will still be pressure on you to have kids, have another one, and so on. Pressure in life never ends.
- Prepare For Your Big Physically And Spiritually.
What you spend your time doing during courtship or before your wedding will reflect a lot on your marriage. Courtship and the period before your wedding is a season for learning, growing and discussing vital issues, such as finances, handling conflicts, keeping your life alive, parenting styles, childhood traumas, careers, and partner expectations. These are only a few issues that affect marriages daily, as being in love alone is not enough. Love comes with a responsibility.
In the run-up to your wedding day, there will be a long list of things to do, including booking the reception, ordering your dress, arranging where people sit at the reception, organising entertainment for the evening, etc. The list is endless. Therefore, preparing spiritually by constantly committing your wedding and future to God’s hands is essential. How much time will you consider the adjustments you will have to make once you are married. Therefore, setting aside time to talk and pray together, with support from your pastor/counsellor, about your future together will be essential to sustain your lives together long after the big day.
- Learn to Forgive (Ephesians 4:32)
Knowing how to forgive is among the most powerful things to know before getting married. I had no idea I would have to truly understand what it means to forgive my spouse. I had to let go of the wounds of my past so my present wouldn’t be miserable. Guess what? It’s a daily struggle – but the burden is lighter knowing that the Holy Spirit is with me every step I take. Slowly (did I mention slooooowwwwllly), I am learning to forgive so our marriage can be more peaceful, trusting and fulfilling.
- Always Carry Your Spouse Along In The Planning Process.
When planning for your wedding, always carry your partner along. So often, ladies get carried away with planning their supposed “Big Day” and forget their big day will not be complete without their partner!
- Have a Budget
In a world where we are influenced by what we see on social media, it is easy to get carried away by seeking a wedding ceremony that will be the talk of the town. Please note that no one ever receives an award for the best wedding. Have a budget you both agreed on as it helps limit unnecessary spending. A wedding ceremony does not have to be expensive to be well planned and thought out.
- Marriage Won’t Solve All Your Problems.
One of the most important things to know before getting married is this: Marriage is not a balm that instantly resolves all your issues. You are still the same person after you say I do, so do not get married with the intention that marriage will solve all your problems or that you will change your spouse. Always remember you do not have the power to change anyone. Only God can change someone as He is our creator.
Things To Note After You Say ‘I do’
- Do Not Forget God (Deuteronomy 8:18, Matthew 5:6)
It’s so easy to relax after getting married. I’m guilty of this too! For instance, before getting married, many ladies spend all day in the presence of God and are involved in activities to advance God’s kingdom. However, after their wedding ceremony, their love for the things of God begins to wax cold. It is crucial never to forget your relationship with God after He has blessed you with marriage. Your relationship with God is the foundation that will help sustain your marriage at all times.
- Kids Don’t Solve Everything.
I am so grateful to God for my babies. They, without a doubt, are the best thing that has ever happened to my husband and me. However, being a parent is a lot of pressure, both on a woman and marriage. For many years, I was in constant freak-out mode over their health and the best way to raise them in a constantly changing world. Unfortunately, it did not improve when I transferred this pressure to my spouse. Once I remembered that my babies’ real father is Jesus, not their earthly father, I had more freedom to parent them with joy and confidence.
- Understanding
Because a marriage consists of two very different people merging their lives and creating a home, it’s essential to try to understand each other. Practising empathy–the art of stepping into your spouse’s shoes and seeing situations from their angle–will help you as you work daily to understand one another.
- Correct each other with humility (Matthew 5:5)
We all know marriage is sanctifying, perhaps more sanctifying than any other human relationship. As spouses, we sit at a critical, sensitive, and sometimes painful window into each other’s souls. The longer we stare at any given speck for months, years, even decades, the harder it can become to see our logs. In the vulnerability of marriage, it is all the more important to confront and correct each other with humility, patient awareness of our failures, and a resilient hopefulness for change and growth.
As a Christian, your marriage is a testimony to the relationship between Christ and His bride, the church. Therefore, your marriage should reflect the truth about this relationship. What is your marriage saying to the watching world? If you walk in the power of the Spirit, yield to His Word, and you and your partner mutually submit to each other, God will bless you abundantly and glorify His Son through your marriage. Fix your eyes on God today, and leave the next ten, twenty, or fifty years to him.
Photo credit: ©istockphoto/adamkaz
