I Feel Disconnected from My Church

The church is a body of believers in Jesus Christ. The word “church” is translated from “ekklesia”, a Greek term that is used in the New Testament to mean “called-out assembly” (1 Peter 2:9) and a local congregation of God’s people (1 Corinthians 1:2). It means “meeting” or “congregation”. Therefore, it is not out of the ordinary that we could feel disconnected from our local church because the church isn’t a building or location. It is the people who gather in the building or at the location. We are the church.

While reflecting on this topic, I realized sometimes there’s shame and hesitation to openly and honestly talk about this feeling or acknowledge its existence. Other times, we do not want to risk hurting the feelings of our church leaders, i.e. your pastor. So rather than talk about it, we keep a distance from the church or mask this feeling. While there are several reasons one could feel disconnected from their local church, we must first strip away the guilt that comes with this feeling. Guilt is a tool the devil uses to keep us bound. Jesus did not only take away our sins; he took away our guilt and shame.

The church should be a safe place. A place of refuge, worship, prayer, teaching, comfort and joy. No wonder the Psalmist said, “I was glad when they said unto me, Let us go into the house of the Lord” (Psalm 122:1). What happens when the thought of your local church doesn’t inspire joy in you? I have been there before, most of us at some time or the other have been there. Attending church meetings becomes a herculean task, it feels like a burden and you don’t look forward to it. When you attend, you just want to get done with it and leave.

Using what I learned from my experience (I hope this will help someone out there), I will share what I call “Three P’s” which helped me when I was in this season of my life. They are: Probe, People and Participate.

Probe: Assuming you have been in tune with your church before, the first question you should ask yourself is; “Why do I feel a disconnect from my church now? What changed?” — Is this change external or internal? i.e. did anything change in the church, or did something about my life change? (this is assuming you agree with the doctrinal, theological and philosophical view of your church). We ask these questions to examine our motives and the reason behind how or what we feel. When probing, remember to seek God’s face. There is nothing too small, significant or trivial to inquire from God. Seek God’s face by prayers and the study of His word. Perhaps the disconnection you feel from your church is because someone in the church has hurt you; pray about it. Prayers can bring healing. Prayers can produce solutions, and the word of God can shed light on any situation (Psalm 119:105). Look at this challenge from various perspectives. The problem could be from a situation, an event, a personality in the church or just you. Be objective, open-minded and humble about the answers you receive.

People: We often underestimate that we are social beings. If you continue to share a space with people but never relate or interact with them, you will feel lonely over time. Learn to interact with people in your church. Ask someone for their name, strike a conversation with somebody after church meetings. Don’t be that person who comes late and leaves early. Greet people on their birthday anniversary, buy them cards or gifts. Invite someone for lunch or a barbecue evening at your home or a restaurant. If you have the capacity to meet a known need of a brother or sister, make yourself or your resources available to them and identify with the church community. The idea is to interact and get to know people. You can only know people when you interact with them. Interacting with people requires effort, don’t just wait for people to make the first move; make the first move. Maybe there’s someone you regularly see in church, and one day they were not in the church meeting, give them a call and check in on them. If you stopped attending your church today and no one except your pastor reaches out to check on you, it is likely you haven’t interacted much with people at your church. The greatest resource on earth are human beings, and God continues to look for people to use on the earth (Isaiah 6:8). Therefore, you can’t isolate yourself from people and live a joyful or fulfilled life.

Participate: Get involved with activities in the church. Start by attending church service regularly. You can’t honestly say you feel disconnected from your church when you do not attend church meetings regularly. Next, join a group in church and dedicate your resources to serving through that group. If the group you would like to serve in or what you would like to do isn’t available, prayerfully approach the church leadership and work on setting it up.
Furthermore, learn to participate in other church activities outside the regular service. I recall an experience where we had a summer youth camp meeting in the countryside for three days. I learned more about everyone who attended that event in three days than I ever did throughout my years at the church, including people I already established a casual relationship with before the camp meeting. I still have fond memories of that event today. Finally, learn to participate in home bible study groups and prayer groups. Today, some of these meetings are online or virtual; you can attend and actively participate in them from your room.

You won’t find a perfect or ideal church; it doesn’t exist. If the perfect church existed, Jesus wouldn’t have to die for your sins.

Another thing that surprisingly helped me was attending bible studies and prayer meetings online with other believers who were not from my local church. You may be too familiar with your church, and you may need to attend an event or meeting elsewhere as a “refresher” or to give you a break from what you are used to. Occasionally attend believers’ conferences, concerts, and meetings elsewhere. This is not an attempt to replace your local church but to revive your interest in church. Sometimes, this can be a daunting task for those who have relocated to a new environment and are searching for a new church. Especially when you really loved the church you left. However, be open-minded and attend a bible believing and heavenly-minded church after vetting their doctrinal and theological views. I believe there’s a church for everyone, ask God to lead you to yours.

Never forsake the assembling of believers (Hebrews 10:25), don’t let the devil deceive you that you don’t need a church. It is a ploy to keep you out of the covering and guidance God provides for you through the church. You won’t find the ideal church; it doesn’t exist. If the perfect church existed, Jesus wouldn’t have to die for your sins. If a church is perfect for you, it is certainly not perfect for someone else. Never forget human beings lead churches, and at our core, we are weak, selfish and full of imperfections. Christ died for us and made us perfect in our imperfections (Hebrews 10:14).