Where Is My Spouse?

Society pressures women to get married, especially in Christian circles. I often see girls as young as 18 feel pressure from relatives and churchgoers. Once they become older, everyone seems to have a prophecy over their life about who they should marry. We had a woman, or sometimes even a man, come up to these young girls saying that God has spoken to them and they should marry a particular guy. I am sure it also happens to men in the church when someone gives what appears to be a bit of godly advice that they should go out or marry a particular girl. But there are fewer cases of men than women being inundated with marriage talk. For some of us, our upbringing revolved around future halves we haven’t met.

Some even scare girls into thinking that if they behave or do certain things, their future husbands might not like it, pressuring them to stop acting a certain way. In most cases, it is just an opinion that has very little to do with what your actual future spouse might like. The point is that many factors influence our desperation to meet someone to fulfil our expectations and that of our family and communities. It forces us to think about marriage at a much younger age. Some, even as young as 18, do not see a bright future for themselves if they do not get married. This puts fear in some women such that they panic when they hit a certain age. They become desperate, wondering if they will ever find “the one”. Fundamentally, I believe the desire to be married comes from God’s plan for two people to become one.

“It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper as his partner.” Genesis 2:18 (NIV)

Currently, the value of marriage as designed by God is decreasing drastically in the western world. There is more emphasis on the wedding day; that one beautiful day to celebrate where the lady gets to wear a white dress. For some men, the wedding day has less and less value, as it is a considerable expense, and it does not seem to change anything except tie you down. Some people are afraid of being tied down because they view marriage as a trap with no escape. The fact that some consider marriage to be something that ties you down is worrying. The fears of marriage are widespread; some fear a broken heart, while others fear that they will have to give up half of what they earned should there be a divorce.

There are many fears surrounding marriage in church circles and the secular world. Among believers, there are not only fears but also a desperation to get married. So when both fear and desperation come together, it puts people in a trap where they want to stay single but at the same time desire to be married. It’s a quagmire of some sort.

There may be many known and unknown reasons why many who desire marriage find it difficult to be married. However, I believe there is God’s timing and submitting to God’s will. We should concentrate on being the bride of Christ rather than trying to find someone all our lives. It is hard to submit, but I believe we are never at a loss if we choose to submit to Christ. It might feel like a sacrificial life, but Jesus is there for us in the good and challenging times.

God has a plan and purpose for your life; ultimately, it is to be complete in Him with or without marriage.

We don’t have to be married to be happy or joyful, as only God gives true happiness and joy. Rather than dwell on your need for marriage or a spouse, look out for those who need your support and meet their needs. Maybe you desire to be a mother; you might start by becoming a mother or grandmother figure to those around you who need such influence in their lives. For instance, some single mothers might need someone like you to stand in the gap for them or give a helping hand in their time of need. Some are orphans in need of a parental figure. Some in your Church/community left their family in another continent or country and now need a family to lean on. You can be that family or support system to them. The point is that you can be that mother, father, or family you want to be even as you wait for God to give you your spouse, kids or family. God blessed the Egyptian midwives with their own families because they feared Him and cared for Hebrew baby boys against the command of King Pharaoh that they should be killed at birth (Exodus 1:18-20). You can make a huge difference in your local church, community and the lives of others, and God will bless you for it.

Make a difference for the kingdom of God, and let God work with you. Spend time with Him not only when you want something from Him but when you want to know Him, and your life will change for the better. Your life will be meaningful and impactful.

“Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:29

I heard a saying that “the one who wants the husband the most needs it the least”. When we want something so badly that we prioritize it before God, we must remember that God is a jealous God and will not be satisfied with second place. Therefore, we must be careful that our thoughts and prayers for our future spouse do not overpower our desires to do God’s will.

Everyone has their journey, and some people will get married at 18, others after 40 and some may never be married. Regardless of your situation, God has a plan and purpose for your life; ultimately, it is to be complete in Him with or without marriage. Surrender your life to Him and be content with leadership; you will live a fulfilled life perfected in Him. “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'” Jeremiah 29:11