Your Inner Circle

I have always been a social butterfly growing up. My excuse was that I come from a big family of five brothers and four sisters. This meant that interacting with people was a given, especially since we all lived in the same house.

I grew to love being around people and thriving on conversations in social gatherings, especially around topics that include my faith and God. I distinctly remember the first time I discovered that God cared about my feelings. I was barely a teenager and had just ended a friendship with someone as I headed into secondary school. This was a person that had gone from being loyal and honest to being dishonest and critical of everything.

Although other friends had warned me to avoid friendship with this person, I thought I knew better and dismissed all the red flags, accepting whatever flaws she had. However, it wasn’t long before I realised that I was in a bad friendship that made me feel insecure and emotionally drained.

One day after a particular argument, I realised this wasn’t healthy and knew I would be better off if I broke ties. However, I was shocked by the self-criticism that came flooding in afterwards, sweeping away my peace for not knowing better and letting people know that trusting people was my weakness. It consumed me to the point it was all I could think about.

During this time of trying to figure things out on my own, I realised the heart of God towards me. I remember flicking through a Bible given to me by my Aunty. I opened the index page and looked up the word “Friendship,” half-expecting the word not to appear anywhere. Because in my small-minded narrow thinking, there were too many other important topics to cover in Scripture. Yet there it was, right above a list of Bible verses, including Proverbs 4:23,NIV which warned: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

As I read that verse, I realised that the God who created the heavens and the earth, the God who hung the stars in the sky, and the one who parted the Red Sea cared about my emotional well-being. This helped me become cautious not about who I showed love to but who I allowed into my inner circle. Sometimes people ask whether it is necessary to have an inner circle, but the gospel made it clear that Jesus had an inner circle of friends. Peter, James and John would gather with Him when times were good (at the Mount of Transfiguration) and when times were bad (at the Garden of Gethsemane). This particular group of friends in no way takes away from the relationships that Jesus had with the other disciples and followers. Still, it simply points to the fact that we as human beings need loved ones we can turn to when we are in desperate need of someone to lean on, vent to and share particular life moments with.

I once heard that “you are a reflection of who you hang around with”. If that is true, what are the characteristics of the “inner circle” of friends that you have cultivated in your life? Maybe it is a good listening ear, a heart for God’s Word, a welcoming nature, or a bringer of joy to any situation. What I have come to learn is that Christ should be at the heart of your inner circle of friends. I may be simple-minded, but I believe that if Jesus saw enough value in friendship, then so should I. However, if you are reading this and need more convincing, let’s jump back into the word.

Some men came, bringing to him a paralyzed man, carried by four of them. Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus by digging through it and then lowered the mat the man was lying on. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralyzed man, “Son, your sins are forgiven.” -Mark 2:3-5,NIV

In these couple of verses, we meet four incredible guys who refused to let go of the fringes of the mat. Four men who made sure their sick friend got to Jesus. Let’s set the scene. Jesus was preaching in a crowded place he called home. People had filled this place to full capacity; there were people in the windows, balconies and doors. You literally couldn’t get in the front entrance. But these four men had one motive. They were so moved to get their friend to Jesus. The Bible doesn’t even give their names, but I believe the characteristics of these individuals matter.

Having someone within your inner circle who is compassionate is vital. Think about it; his friends were so concerned about him that they gave up their front-row seats to help this man. They could have easily walked through the doors by themselves and pushed their way through to hang onto every word Jesus spoke and taught. Maybe they all had needs themselves, yet they sacrificed it all to make a difference. The prophet Jeremiah had that same compassion when he cried, “O that my head were water and my eyes were a fountain of tears that I might weep for Israel.”

Can you imagine that scene that day as they lowered him by a rope to Jesus? These men had their priorities right. Jesus did not even rebuke them; instead, he had compassion for them. He wasn’t angry because he had been disturbed. Instead, he saw their faith and was moved. He said, “Your sins are forgiven, you brother.” HE SAW THEIR FAITH! These four men had plenty of obstacles but didn’t let that stop them. Each one had their reasons for helping their friend.

So when I weigh friendships and who I allow into my inner circle, I always go back to the word. In retrospect, I have learned that it wasn’t “mean” or “unfriendly” to steer clear of people who naturally caused drama all those years in my secondary school. I was merely doing my part in “guarding my heart”, as God tells us to do. But also exercising healthy friendships with people who will always have my six (my back)! Since then, I’ve been blessed with many beautiful friendships. However, there have been times when I found myself at a relationship crossroad. Unsure if I should start or continue certain friendships. That is why the Bible is so important; it is faithful in guiding us.

Observe that Mark 2:4, says they could not get their sick friend to Jesus because of the crowd. If the right friends can get you to Jesus, the wrong crowd can keep you away. So quality over quantity should be the goal when it comes to friends.

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24,NIV

You are influenced by the people you spend time with, just as you influence others who spend time with you. God did not intend for us to do life alone, but you don’t have to exhaust yourself by investing in everyone. Instead, hold close to your heart one or a small group of friends who have a mutual understanding of accountability, counselling, encouragement and whatever you prioritize or desire in friendship.

Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11,NIV

It is impossible to have an inner circle and expect it to be perfect. For example, Peter was described as impetuous (acting quickly and without thought or care) and, more times, got it wrong. James and John were called Sons of Thunder because of their fiery temperaments, which sometimes brought about awkward moments. Nevertheless, these men were still part of Jesus’ inner circle.

Jesus saw beyond those flaws and saw them as the men they were designed to be. He was sincere. He gave front-row access to His inner circle –so that they could see the most important pivotal points of His earthly ministry. These men saw Jesus heal Jairus’s daughter, witnessed Christ’s transfiguration, and accompanied Him as He prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane just before His arrest. Participating in important events in Jesus’ life journey on earth.

Jesus was selfless when he chose. In a world that tells us to choose friends who will help us get where we want to go. Jesus chose His inner circle to benefit them. In the same way, the four men did the exact same thing. They did absolutely everything to get their friends to Jesus. But there is a difference between carrying a mat and becoming a mat that people walk all over. They did not lift him to Jesus so they could benefit. Instead, they had one motive: to see their friend healed.

Jesus poured into them and asked for nothing in return. He made it clear that; “…the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Matthew 20:28,NIV.

As much as friendship is mutually beneficial, it is sacrifice and service. Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future. Your inner circle matters.