How To Handle Conflict – Part 2
Resolving conflict with non-Christians
In Part 1 of this topic, we looked at the guidelines Jesus gave regarding handling conflict with other Christians. Before we look at how we should resolve conflict with non-Christians, let’s attempt to answer one of the most common questions in conflict resolution between believers, “Is it right for a Christian to take another Christian to court?” Let’s look at 1 Corinthians 6.
When one of you has a dispute with another believer, how dare you file a lawsuit and ask a secular court to decide the matter instead of taking it to other believers! Don’t you realize that someday we believers will judge the world? And since you are going to judge the world, can’t you decide even these little things among yourselves? Don’t you realize that we will judge angels? So you should surely be able to resolve ordinary disputes in this life. If you have legal disputes about such matters, why go to outside judges who are not respected by the church? I am saying this to shame you. Isn’t there anyone in all the church who is wise enough to decide these issues? But instead, one believer sues another—right in front of unbelievers! – 1 Corinthians 6:1-6, NLT
In 1 Corinthians 6:1-6, Paul makes a profound argument about why it isn’t a good look for believers to sue one another to court over little things (trivial or small matters). I emphasize “little things” because often, this is lost in meaning when this passage is used to support the position that under no circumstance should a Christian sue another Christian. It would appear that Paul understood there are situations where the secular courts should be legitimately used to settle disputes with far-reaching consequences among believers. This may explain why he said, “little things”. We can all agree that ideally and if possible, Christians should not be dragging one another to the court of law.
Paul was always concerned about spreading the gospel (as every Christian should be). In his argument, if Christians, who live by the authority of God’s word, can’t resolve small issues without seeking redress in secular law courts, how does that make us look to the world we are trying to win over for Christ? Paul was essentially saying that if we believe in the same God and live by the standard and wisdom of Christ’s teachings, civil matters between believers are not beyond our scope to resolve. The message we can get here is that in our conduct as believers (including when we feel our rights have been violated), we should not be focused on our rights at the expense of the body of Christ and the work of spreading the gospel. I should quickly say here that this does not in any way support the covering up of sin, wrongdoing or injustice. 1 Timothy 5:20 tells us clearly that sin should be exposed in the church, there should be some form of accountability (including from leaders) within the church.
In terms of handling conflict with non-Christians, the secular law of the land handles that because you don’t expect a non-Christian to submit to the authority of God or the Bible. However, as Christians, this should be the last resort (Proverbs 25:8). As we saw in Part 1 of this topic, do everything within you to come to a peaceful resolution where possible. We are enjoined to live peaceably with ALL men (Romans 12:18) and this means that even when there’s a breakdown in our relationships with non-Christians, working towards a peaceful resolution should be our first point of action. As Christians, every conflict is an opportunity to show the nature of Christ. One of the attributes of Jesus Christ is love. When conflicts arise, the court shouldn’t be the first port of call if there are other peaceful ways to resolve them. In fact, by our conduct, especially when we are undoubtedly in the right, our approach for a peaceful resolution or show of mercy could win the other party over to Christ. They could recognize that there’s something different about you, about the life you live, and your conduct. This aligns with the principle in 1 Peter 3:1.
There is no situation that an honest and sincere prayer cannot address. Don’t just pray for a peaceful resolution when resolving conflict (with non-Christians) but also pray that they come to the full knowledge of Christ.
Do not ignore or neglect the place of prayer when resolving conflict with a non-Christian. They may not submit to the authority of the Bible or God, but prayers can melt their hearts and prompt them towards doing the right thing. Proverbs 21:1, NKJV teaches us that “The King’s heart is in the hand of the Lord”. This means He can guide it wherever He wills. If God can do this with the heart of someone in authority, there is no heart He can’t reach. There is no situation that an honest and sincere prayer cannot address. Don’t just pray for a peaceful resolution but pray that the other party comes to the full knowledge of Christ.
This brings me to a question I saw on Twitter directed at Christians, “Is it possible to forgive someone and also seek or demand justice for the crime they have committed against you? ”.
First, the question subtly assumes that forgiveness means no consequences (I do not mean condemnation). There is a rightful consequence for every action. Secondly, you would have to determine what justice means depending on the context of the situation. Let’s assume we all agree and understand what justice means regardless of the context. The answer to that question is; yes, you can forgive someone and still demand justice for the crime they committed against you.
I will go further to say that when injury or damage is involved, you can forgive and still seek redress in the law court. Though there is no express command in the bible to seek justice when personal injury or damage is involved, the bible does not condemn it either. We can see examples from the old testament of how justice was administered among God’s children when it involved injury or damage (Exodus 21:28-36). Since we are in a fallen world, we are governed by laws and we have rights protected by the laws of the land. You can forgive and still demand justice if your constitutional rights are violated. Paul and Silas made use of their rights as Roman citizens when they felt they were treated unjustly (Acts 16: 37-39).
Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. – Romans 12:17, NLT
We also shouldn’t forget that God hates injustice and demands that we seek justice for the oppressed and the poor (Proverbs 31:8–9). This includes those within the church or among believers (Amos 5). Therefore, in resolving conflict (when injustice has been done), it is right to seek justice through the appropriate and legitimate channel within the church and with the law of the land. If you are interested in taking a closer look at the scriptural view of injustice, read my post on injustice here: What does the Bible Teach about Injustice?
In conclusion, when we try to resolve conflict, we should also search our hearts that we are not bitter or seeking revenge (Leviticus 19:18) or paying evil for evil (Romans 12:17). When we face conflict, we can pray and depend on God’s word to guide and direct us. Amen.
